Thursday, August 9, 2018

MIAMI DIARY


I recently had a much needed getaway to Miami. After more than a year of not traveling outside of Colorado I felt the need to see different things and to be surrounded by tropical weather. For a while I was contemplating where to go and Miami seemed appropriate since I had not been back since 2008 and I wanted to visit a friend of mine who has already come to visit me twice in Colorado, so I figured it was time to return the favor. Since leaving my job back in March I've had a lot of time to think and to do the things I like but sometimes having to much time in your hands can be a double edge sword. It’s no secret that my life isn't perfect, but who's life really is perfect? there is no such thing. I had been feeling down due to not being able to find a job where I can have creative freedom and financial security, so I was getting to a point where I started to dislike Colorado. I would ask myself, why don't I like it here anymore? this is one of the most beautiful states and there is so much to do, but part of me really misses the ocean and the overall environment that I grew up in, so being here for almost three years has definitely been a big adjustment for me as well as my husband. We both have always worked in fashion companies and the fashion industry in Colorado is not as big as major cities, so that makes it difficult for me to fit in a office type of environment or any of those 9-5 type of jobs. I figured blogs are meant to express any feelings or thoughts you may have at a moment so I try to be the most honest person I can be not only with myself but with anyone who I’m surrounded by, so here I am being completely open and pouring my heart out on this post because I feel it's important for me to do so. I don't need to pretend to have a luxurious life, though that seems to be the trend these days. I take this blog as some sort of therapy, expressing my thoughts on here has helped me not only get better at losing my fear of writing in a language that's not my own but also has helped me get better at it. 

There is a subject that I have not touched and part of me was afraid to be so open about it, because I like keeping my life private but I think it's important to talk about it because mental health is a subject that has been stigmatize for many years and it's time for that to change. You all know I'm not the common blogger who goes on expensive trips and wears designer clothes and I know I've said that before, I'm just a normal and humble person who shares certain aspects of my life with people in the hopes that maybe some of you would inspired and I always try to encourage you guys to be you most authentic self. 
My life as I've mentioned before has not always been so easy. I grew up poor in a country that is now going through the worse humanitarian crisis of it's history and knowing I can't ever go back to visit and see my family is something I have to live with and is no easy pill to swallow.
 For years my husband and I have both battled with some depression due to the loss of our mothers at such young ages, we had to grow up really fast, when we were suppose to be getting ready for college we were burying our mothers, our fathers were never really there for us and many family members have let us both down, to the point that is has just been the two of us for  more than a decade. We have been each others back bone and support throughout the years and we will always continue to be, but after going through his surgery earlier this year, it was definitely difficult times for us both but especially for him and we both started feeling uneasy living in a place away from the only home we had in New Jersey. I guess the point I'm trying to make is that no ones life is easy, we all have ups and downs and in the words of my husband all we can do is try our best each day we wake up where we can reinvent ourselves daily. 
This trip to Miami made me open my eyes again and see things in a better perspective, before my trip I would find myself complaining and feeling bored here in Denver and I realize now that what I needed was to step away for a bit and look outside of that box I was putting myself in. 
I wish Matt could have come with me, because I know he could use a vacation and we both could benefit from being away from the every day routine, he works so hard every day even with his injury, he is my biggest inspiration in life and a beacon of hope. This was the first time we would travel out of state since we adopted Rain and we had no one to stay with her, so as the amazing husband he is, he told me to go and have some girl time with my friend.
I did have a good time, but I also realized that this is the only life I want, I don't need to fill my life with just things and pretty places, all I ever want is to be with them, as silly and corny as some people think that is, Matt and Rain are all I need to be happy, though I know it's important to have some independence sometimes. 
Vacations are a good escape from the every day routine, but I found it doesn't fulfill my life, I'm no longer interested in partying or drinking most nights, it's just not who I am as a person, maybe for those days it felt nice to experience it of course and to get out of the same environment, but in the end it's who and what you love most that keeps you grounded. It's not the outfit you wear, or the expensive meal and drinks you have, nor the aesthetically pleasing venues you visit or photos you take. Through all the tribulations we’ve faced separately and together I know that acceptance of oneself and ownership of our lives is the key to living a fulfilled one.
And to everyone out there reading this, I just want to say, be kind to each other, everyone has their own struggles they are dealing with and with social media it's so easy to get carried away and to only show the best of the best, so let's change that and let's all try be more honest and humble, stay true to yourself. 

"Love people and use things, because the opposite never works"

Thank you to those who take the time to read what I have to say, your love and support is and always will be appreciated <3

Much love, 
Angie
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